


Where x I'd x Find x You (under construction)

by thisxwriter



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Reality, Closest Kissing, M/M, Rough Kissing, heavy kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-09 07:58:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisxwriter/pseuds/thisxwriter
Summary: One drunken night Gon can no longer deal with the fact that Killua’s gone. He calls him and they both agree to come together for a mission under a few agreements. No reckless actions and no putting ones life in danger for the other. The sandman is their new enemy. He has the ability to place someone in a coma like sleep where they can’t escape their alternative reality. He makes it so they don’t want to and now he has Killua and it’s up to Gon to get Killua to leave that happy life behind. Is that being selfish? Can Gon do this and keep his sanity before losing himself in Killua’s world forever? Will Gon be able to convince Killua not to marry that girl that looks so much like Gon?





	1. Need You Now.

**Author's Note:**

> I changed my summery alittle but please read. I do not have a beta so I do apologize for any kind of grammatical errors or mishaps. Feel free so comment!

Picture perfect memories,  
Scattered all around the floor,  
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind  
For me it happens all the time.  
need you now~ Lady Antebellum

“This is it. You nervous?” Killua smirks standing upon the hill as the orange sun rises behind the mountain that he and Gon would soon enter. Killua didn’t have to look over at Gon to know that his dark eyebrows frowned together, fist clenched at his sides; and his eyes excited sparkling like embers. Killua’s bright blue eyes darkened slightly his lips turning up into a hungry smile. This is the first mission they will be going on a mission together since they reunited two weeks ago. Six months had been way too long; Long enough for Gon to discover a bottle of whiskey under Aunt Mito’s kitchen sink; hoping that the fiery substance would subside the feelings of regret, loneliness and even shame. To hopefully keep the ghost of Killua to linger around just a little longer, sometimes he could even smell the familiar scent of his hair sparkling with fiery electricity.  
Gon missed Killua more than he missed his own father and when that realization finally registered into Gon’s drunken mind he grabs the untraceable phone that Killua sent to him by falcon (with the tiniest note that said nothing except for “in case you need to reach me. Emergency only!”) Gon throws his bedroom window open dragging his foot over the ledge then the other; whiskey bottle and phone in hand.  
“Killua!” Gon shouts the moment he hears Killua’s gruff voice. (It is 2 am after all). In Gon’s drunken state he wondered why Killua had gone to sleep so early. (or if it is even 2 am wherever he is.) He remembers times that they would stay awake all night. Laughing and talking, betting who could stay awake the longest.  
“Gon?! what’s...what’s going on?!” Gon could hear Killua sit up in whatever bed he was in the blankets rustling wildly. he must be wide eyed worried and ready to kill. It took Gon back to the times Killua would wake up from nightmares, one hand holding onto his yo-yo while the other sharper than knives.  
I hope Killua' s dreams tonight weren’t bad ones.  
Gon's emotions are all over the place. He feels incredibly sorry for waking Killua up and worrying him, but then again Killua obviously still cares about him that makes Gon extremely happy. Gon’s foot slips loudly against the tilted roof as he tries to keep himself firmly planted at the top; still enough so that Killua doesn’t ask why Gon is yet again being reckless; but of course, Killua already knew where exactly Gon was thanks to years of training and sharp hearing.  
“err” Gon realized his second mistake on calling Killua, he had no idea what to say.so he said the first thing that came into his hazy mind.  
“I. I want you back!” Killua stutters face flushed from such words that no one has ever said to him, they sound much like the silly romance movie Alluka made him watch not too long ago about a boy and a girl. What confused Killua into a slightly unsettling way was that the moment he said those words to the girl. Killua thought of Gon. He wanted Gon back and his lips tingled slightly at the thought of kissing him the way they kissed in the movies.  
“you want? Me! What?” Killua turns his ear closer into the phone.  
Is that…the sound of Gon taking a drink of something?  
“I want to be. Hiccup. wherever you are, and I know that my nen hiccup isn’t as strong as it used to be but I know I can protect Alluka! and you too Killua!” Killua lets out a loud sigh his eyes fluttering closed in the dark.  
“I know Gon, I know you can…its just-  
“it’s because of the things I said to you before Isn’t it!” Gon did not mean to yell but the memory of being in front of Pitou and saying those hurtful words to Killua caused his throat to constrict, it was also the biggest problem with concentrating on his nen because whenever he did he would see Killua' s fear stricken face; hear Killua scream Gon’s name with such ferocity that he would have to cover his ears during practice and hunch over to fight the tears that forced their way up every time.  
“that’s not just it Gon…with you, I get messed up.” Killua stabbed his pointy razor like index finger into the bed pulling white fluffy cotton out along with it. He knew that he shouldn’t have said that. Killua would never talk about his feelings it made him feel weak.  
But he’s drunk he won’t remember this in the morning…hopefully  
Gon let out a loud burp causing Killua' s frown to turn upward into a nostalgic smile.  
“messed up? I never let anything happen to you!”  
“no. Gon. What I mean is…” Killua sighs shutting his eyes yet again as if he were facing Gon himself, he’s so glad that he can’t see his face now turning a shade of pink.  
“with you. I don’t care what happens to me. All I ever cared about is protecting you. And well I can’t be that way anymore. I have to be alive… for Alluka.” Gon’s huge amber eyes blink Killua' s words cutting clear through the buzzy feeling of whiskey.  
Did Killua really care that much about me? Was I really that blind?  
Gon does not raise his voice his voice deep with sincerity that it makes Killua stomach do some sort of backflip.  
“then let me protect you now, both of you.” With still flushed cheeks Killua shut his eyes turning away from Alluka's side of the room so that he can snap into the phone. What’s his deal saying things like that anyway!  
“ugh Gon that doesn’t help you idiot! That would mean that you’ll end up not caring what happens to you because you’re too caught up in protecting me.” Killua rubs his tired head with his fist before mumbling.  
“plus, I don’t need protecting.” Gon places the whiskey bottle on the window sill with a loud clank. That’s enough for tonight if he wants to change the outcome of tomorrow.  
“fine! Fine! We’ll protect our own selves! Now can you please tell me where you are!”  
That was two weeks ago. Now with Alluka safe with Palm. Knuckle and Shoot had asked the two for help with a mission, to capture a deranged man sucking the energy out of a small town at the base of the mountain. Gon’s stern face finally began to crack into a small. Bringing his fist excitingly upward.  
“are you kidding? We’re on a mission together! I’m pumped.” Killua' s bright blue eyes glances at Gon finally the rising sun reflects off his eyes as he stairs back at Killua both of their hearts pounding adrenaline into their chest. When they both realize that they had spent longer than usual gazing at each other. they both turn away quickly into opposite directions cheeks flushed; simultaneously scratching the back of their heads.  
I’m so happy to be by Killua' s side again that I can’t stop looking at him…  
Killua is the first to find words to say.  
“err um remember what I said, don’t be reckless I’m not going to protect you, and don’t do anything stupid like try and come back for me if we get separated…” Gon only nodes his head. He’s not sure if he can agree to that right now; it’s not that Gon lied to Killua that night he called it’s just that now that they are on a real mission if anything were to happen to Killua; Gon would not be able to just simply escape without his best friend.  
*  
Killua lands silently on his feet running up the rest of the way towards Knuckle and Shoot. The enemy had been harder to reach then what they anticipated for, the townspeople who had their energies sucked from them fought for the villain mercilessly even young children hid in corners; eyes closed as if they were asleep waiting for their moment to attack the hunters. Killua shook from head to toe, he hadn’t killed anyone in a long time he didn’t want to start now with children.  
This mission is harder than it should have been… they look too much like Illumi’s needle men, it’s way too creepy.  
Killua glances at the stern faces of Shoot, Knuckle and Melorean then…  
“where’s Gon!” Killua shouts in a panic. they had separated (in which Killua felt thanks for intuitively he kept a close eye on Gon always ready to attack if need be.) Shoot shakes his head.  
“we haven’t seen him since you two separated, he’s probably inside the abandoned mansion at the foot of the cave.” Killua' s eyes darken his whole body in an instantly covers with white electricity.in instant he’s gone running back to the direction he came from. Shoot throws his arm out calling for Killua in failed attempt to make him wait. knuckle lays his hand upon his shoulder.  
“you know he would never leave Gon, no matter what he says.”  
*  
Gon’s body hit the wall debris and concrete cracking and falling along with him unto the ground. He groans wrapping his arms around himself having the wind knocked out of him really hurts he keeps trying to charge up the faint glow of his nen but it’s no use. On his knees now, he lifts his forehead off the ground. Its just his luck to find the leader inside of the decrepitated mansion he stands now he stood towering over Gon darkness rolling off him in waves.  
“GON!” the thunderous roar of Killua bellowing for him practically shakes the walls around him, Gon freezes him along with the man who looks over his shoulder to the door. It shook Gon to the core Killua’s raw scream sound so much like it had that night. Killua is coming back for him…he should have known.  
What is he doing! Gon’s mind screamed his legs finally work enough to bring him to his feet, unsteady, hands shaking…every part of him shook.  
He said he wouldn’t come back! Don’t find me Killua this guy is too strong! In the blink of an eye Killua is suddenly behind the tall man. Reaching out to attack with his thunder palm. At the same time Gon charges towards the sandman eyes widening when he turns throwing his hand out at Gon’s chest. The electricity shocks the enemy instantly going through him like a chain reaction it sends Gon flying backwards with a yell he crumbles back onto the ground by the sheer force of Killua’s electricity.  
“Gon!” Killua gasps jumping over the unconscious man; calming his Hatsu so that he can lay his hands upon Gon’s shoulders rolling him onto his back. Killua' s heart skips a beat when Gon lurches forward grabbing a fistful of Killua' s shirt and buying his face in the croak of his neck without a single thought in his mind Killua grabbed Gon's free hand their finger immediately intertwine locking tightly.  
“I’m fine! it’s alright” Gon croaks loosening his grip so that he hand lay his palm flat against Killua' s rapidly beating heart because in a way he can’t help it. Killua came back for him after all he said…Killua always cared for him more then he could even wrap his head around it now that Gon had finally begun to really open his eyes to see…he just can’t wait to tease him about it later there was something so cute in the way that Killua' s cheeks would flush just slightly under his pale skin. Killua' s melts; his shaky breath crossing Gon’s face with a small laugh of relief his heart swells, when Gon smiles if he is still smiling all is fine. All will fall into place.  
Killua knew how adrenaline worked it was something he grew all too familiar with when it happened, and he knew how Gon reacted to it as well. That’s what this must be taking over heart pounding mind on over drive, staring into Gon's big amber eyes. Feeling his heart against the palm off Gon's hand he hoisted him up off the ground and Gon squeezed at the middle of Killua’s shirt once again. Bright blue ocean eyes glued to big golden-brown ones. if Killua leaned closer their lips would be inches from each other and maybe this way they can breathe a little better, a little slower. Locked onto each other every breath they don’t notice the sandman stirring and beginning to stand; his limbs expanding spreading into long snake like shadows over them. he chuckles glaring down at the two with new height.  
“oh, how sweet…” he looks from Gon who still could not stand, wrapped in Killua' s arms then to Killua slanted blue eyes sharp with bloodlust.  
“best friends stick together. Best friends die together.” His voice more animal like causes Gon to shudder. He should have yelled for Killua to stay away, to run and never look back; but would he even listen? The enemy reads Gon like a page from a book looking again at their hands entwined within each other’s in the tightest grip, he observes Gon’s hand upon Killua' s chest as if to hold in his heart that nearly fell from his mouth when he saw Gon fly because of his thunder palm. He saw it finally and he might have been the only enemy they ever faced that could. The two would do anything they can to stay by each other’s side, these two had a friendship like no other…a love like no other. With his voice, low he said the words that Gon and Killua never once thought of and yet a ting of realization dawned on the two at the same time leaving them only to look back at each other with wide frightful eyes and pink cheeks.  
“or is it…more than friends? Is this…Love.” because of those words Killua and Gon did not see the left snake like limb fly out wrapping around Killua' s neck. Gon lets out a shout voice scratching and breaking as Killua is yanked away their arms pulled apart from each other Gon reaching for nothing but air. Gons shaking watering orbs are the last thing Killua sees before he is being thrown out of the room crashing through the already broken railing tumbling down the flight of stairs.  
Gon only has a second to stand before another snake limb wraps around his neck lifting him off the ground. Squeezing with such pain the unshed tears fall mercilessly down his cheeks. Gon attempts to break the enemies arm only he tightens his grip so tight that the corners of Gon’s vision go black. He brings Gon close enough to whisper in his ear Before Gon could even register what, it was that he even said a glimpse of Killua' s boots wrapped from around the back of the man’s neck slicing the tentacle like arm with his slender claw like hand. Gon drops to the ground coughing in fits. Killua manages to make it around to the front using all his weight to lift him off the ground in a roll crashing through the window with him.  
“KILLUA!”  
*  
“I can smell your nen, your soul. It’s delicious. It will be mine”  
*  
“KILLUA!” Killua draws his hand back ready to strike the final blow when the creep begins to chuckle his eyes changing opening wide as the whites of his eyes began to take over the irises and pupils. Killua knew it was a matter of time before he needed to kick off him so that the impact of the ground doesn’t break him too only the change in his eyes kept Killua frozen in fear wind rushing past his ears his silver hair flying every which way.  
“I will just have to settle for you then.” Killua’ s eyes then grow wide just like the whites taking over blue within seconds they flutter close his hands releasing the enemy, now free-falling limbs numb at his side and yet his expression is peaceful lips slowly spreading into a gentle, sleepy smile.  
“it’s ok Gon, you’re safe now.” The enemy hits the ground first bones cracking upon impact Killua' s unconscious body lands with a thud on top him.  
*  
Gon lands in a catlike stance the moment Killua' s head hits the center of the man’s chest. He could almost vomit his own heart when he was finally able to see Killua’ s eyes closed he looked as though he were just asleep.  
“Killua!” Gon wraps his arms around him rolling him over off the dead man shaking him frantically eyes blinded with tears.  
“Killua please! please wake up!” he begs crying uncontrollably.  
“Gon! Killua!” Shoots voice can finally be heard over Gon wails when he reaches the crying boy holding Killua' s unconscious paler then usual body in his arms he freezes. When Kite had died Gon lost it…now if he loses Killua…Gon would be destroyed.  
“he’s not waking up!” Gon shouts bringing shoot back to reality seeing the tears rolling down with the dirt and grim down his cheeks.  
“he’s alive!” Gon says but before shoot could breath a sigh of relief gazing back at Killua' s gentle smiling face. Gon shouts again  
“he’s alive but he isn’t waking up!” Why isn’t anyone moving! Melorean and Knuckle run up from behind Shoot coming to a halt.  
“he’s been put under…like the others. We have to get him to base Leorio will know what to do!”


	2. Into x The x Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling like I know the words  
> Of a song I haven't wrote  
> A song of love, a song of hope  
> A song that guides me down this road  
> A snowflake falls unto my cheek  
> As I wake up from a distant sleep  
> I stand up dazed as I look around  
> What is this place that I have found?  
> Snowflakes~White apple tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for the back and forth POV's i don't think I'm going to do it anymore since I've already written out the story and I'm basically re writing it by doing that but i do hope you can still follow through with reading it.

Its only when I rip through my bottom lips that I finally move my hands poking at the blood at my already busted lip. They took Killua from my arms, ripped him from me like I wasn’t the one that was keeping him warm the whole way here. Leorio is in there with him running in and out to tend to the others who have stopped fighting us, stopped walking, harmless, Sleeping just like Killua…my Killua. Tears force its way out of my eyes when I think if his face, when I think about what the sandman said…am I in love with Killua?  
*  
Holding onto the door frame for support my red eyes scan the busy bustling hospital for Leorio. I didn’t expect to see Gon knowing at his lip like he usually does when he’s nervous or thinking. Its been almost a year since I saw him.  
When I call his name, his head snaps up. Not a second goes by before he collides into me I stumble just alittle placing my hand on top of his messy hair.  
“Pika its Killua! he tried to protect me and now he’s hurt!” Gon wails against me. My hand begins to shake…  
“he’s going to be ok Gon…he’s strong. Where is he?... Where’s Leorio?” I can only feel my rage building more…where is Leorio!  
“... is Leorio.” Gon takes a step back almost afraid looking me over as if he’s just noticing me.im not surprised that he can sense my fear, hear my heart beginning to race at the thought of Leorio being unconscious like the other…like Killua. God, I can only look back at Gon wondering how he’s even standing right now.  
“he’s in there…” Gon points to the door all the way down the hall.  
“checking Killua.” I push Gon to the side carefully (with whatever strength I have left) afraid that the boy might break. I push through the door. From behind me Gon gasps when he sees Leorio with a needle in his hand. He still doesn’t see me which a relief or I wouldn’t be able to move. My hand burns when I wrap it around his wrist to stop him from numbing Killua.  
“don’t do that!” Leorio at first gasps when he sees me but that changes when he realizes that it IS me. He slams the needle down unto the table and shouts.  
“you! where the hell have you been! What’s is wrong with your eyes! I’ve called you and called you! But of course, you never answer your damn phone!”  
“shut up Leorio!” I shout back, and he does too stunned. I nod towards the back door to his office not needing to turn around to know that Gon had crumbled to pieces, holding onto Killua’s hand pushing his silver hair from his sleeping face his bottom lip quivering at the way Killua still smiled like an angel. I tried not to stare at the way Gon gazes down at Killua with that look of awe. As if he were the most beautiful thing Gon has ever seen and he’s never noticed it before.  
“he isn’t in pain and you don’t have to sedate him. I know what’s wrong with him.” This guy! THIS GUY! I outta throw him out of here but he isn’t even looking at me he’s staring at Gon when I can’t, or it’ll make me freaking cry! So instead I glare at him wanting more then anything for him to know that I’m incredibly angry with him.  
“how do you -”  
“somewhere else.” It takes me a minute, I didn’t notice it at first but somethings wrong. It’s a miracle that Kurapika is standing, I can tell by the way he’s shaking and his eyes they’re glowing the beautiful red color. Shit he even has stubble. He walks around me towards my office.  
“he’s uh stable just a broken arm and leg from the fall, I’ll be right back.” Gon nodes still staring down at Killua.  
*  
Leorio closes the door halfway. Kurapika doesn’t turn to face him so he begins.  
“alright Pika what’s going on? Where did you go! I called you after…” that night Leorio’s face flushes hot remembering that night.  
It nearly two weeks ago when the two stumbled out of the bar (Leorio more than Kurapika of course.) Kurapika held onto Leorio’s arm in hopes that his tall form wouldn’t topple over.  
“ya’ know Pika,” Leorio slurred.  
“sometimes you look like a girl.” Kurapika gritted his teeth, he was offended but after being told many times he just didn’t care as much but this was Leorio; Womanizer, playboy flirtatious Leorio. Sure, it annoyed Kurapika whenever the two were together how much Leorio would look around and point out these tall long leg short skirted women. Kurapika didn’t have time for women. Sure, there was Neon the first girl he actually felt an attraction towards sure they had sex but it didn’t make Kurapika’s heart sink the way it did whenever Leorio would visit…Kurapika shook his head shaking the thoughts along with Leorio’s stupid comment.  
“yeah, yeah. I know let’s just get you back to your place.”  
“no, no you’re not a girl but you look so…beautiful.” Kurapika froze nearly letting Leorio trip forward, quickly Kurapika grabs at him Leorio laughs as if it were some sort of amusement ride. Leorio slides his hand up Kurapika’s arm until it is at his shoulder straightening Leorio’s glazed eyes become half lidded as he gazes down at Kurapika’s face his smile still there. Kurapika’s mouth goes dry choking on his breathing watching how the white puff of smoke from it dances past Leorio’s eyes that become half his eyes dance from Leorio’s cheeks already pink with drunken fever to his slightly parted lips. If Kurapika hadn’t worn his grey contacts tonight his eyes would be shining red like that of a cat in the night. Leorio lowered his face coming closer to Kurapika.  
Is he…is he going to kiss me!  
Kurapika’s mind screamed so loud and yet he could not pull away dazed by the way Leorio gazed down at his lips.  
He’s drunk! he doesn’t know what he’s doing… he’s going to freak out when he remembers.  
No matter how curious Kurapika was about Leorio feeling any kind of attraction towards him. He knew this wasn’t right. Even if he often wondered what it would be like if Leorio watched him the way he watched women. He even wondered how Leorio would ever kiss him, would it be awkward, chaste and soft, sweet or hot and heavy. With rose tinted cheeks Kurapika clears his throat  
“uhh, Leorio?” his voice cracks and sounds too much like a squeak but Leorio still hears blinking finally from out of the hypnotic daze. He straightens himself the best way he could clearing his throat. Kurapika couldn’t bear to help him anymore or he would be pulling down the taller man by the neck kissing him wildly.  
Once that memory slammed into Leorio’s hungover aching head he called Kurapika immediately hoping that he wouldn’t remember, Kurapika never answered nor did he the day after or the day after that; And now here he is standing right in front of him. What was he even going to say?  
Lie and say that I don’t remember obviously.  
Only Leorio did remember and every single night that Kurapika never answered the phone.  
“I wasn’t avoiding your call.” Leorio watches as Kurapika’s eyes began to dim to its usual shade of grey; saddening in a way that made him want to wrap his arms around the shorter male.  
In my arms Kurapika wouldn’t shake so much…wait what the hell where the hell did that thought come from!  
“I…I got pulled under too.” Leorio’s heart sinks to the pit of his stomach jaw slack he reached for Kurapika’s hand but withdraws when Kurapika’s shudder from whatever thoughts trapped him blinding him from Leorio’s simple gesture a gesture that would have sent Kurapika collapsing into Leorio’s warm, welcoming embrace releasing all angry helpless tears that he fought so hard to keep under control a this very moment.  
“Neon called way before sunrise after…that night, I went to help her since her father had never been violet with her, I hadn’t anticipated the sandman to look so normal, but he sent me under. I think I only woke up because he died.” Leorio flinched jealousy creeping over from the sound of Neon’s name, he then shook his head.  
“no pika no one woke up…no one except you, how?” Kurapika’s reddish grey eyes flashed back to full red emotions taking over against his will.  
“so that’s how... - “the door behind Kurapika creaked open Gon leaned against it holding himself in hopes that warmth would return to his already exhausted cold body urging Kurapika to continue with broken eyes.  
“Sandman isn’t completely dead; He transferred his consciousness into Killua, these people, are trapped inside alternative universes where their lives are exactly how they always wanted them to be…makes it harder for them to want to fight back. Kurapika trails off avoiding Gons gaze. Gon shut his wet eyes defeated. if anyone’s alternative realities would be so great that they would refuse to fight it would be Killua’s. for reasons unknown Gon’s eyes shot open suddenly realizes what the sandman had said to him.  
“I smell your nen, its delicious…” that’s what the sandman said to Gon before Killua attacked him…it could have…it should have been Gon laying there not Killua. That means…the sandman still wants Gon. With new determination Gon is practically brought back to life fist curling at his sides amber eyes with intent.  
“if it was nen that put him…into Killua, can nen put me in too.” Leorio pushed pass Kurapika placing his arm upon Gon’s shoulder.  
“Gon you look like hell,” he tried to not look back at Kurapika who also looked like hell, maybe more.  
“you’re too weak right now, and you’re nen hasn’t fully returned plus…I don’t think it’s even possible. “he finishes but Gon peers past Leorio meeting Kurapika’s sideways glance.  
“it is…isn’t it Pika?” Kurapika’s eyes flutter close when he bows his head. Leorio groans running his hands through his dark hair when Gon turns sprinting back to Killua’s side  
He rubs his arm up Killua’s hair his other hand cups his face rubbing his thumb gently across his sharp cheekbones  
“I’m coming Killua- “he lifts Killua’s hand resting it against his cheek  
“I’m coming for you just wait for me…I’ll find you, I’ll bring you home”  
*  
Killua jolts awake sweat upon his forehead heart racing breathing as if he’d been running all through the night. Luckily his bed is right beside his open window looking over at the grassy landscape of his family’s manor he sighed when the scent of ocean air breaths into his face.  
“what a weird dream.” He says quietly even though he barley remembered the dream whatever it was that he remembered flashes of people with blown open white eyes and Gon, Gon was hurt. He should probably give him a call. How long has it been since he saw his dear friend? Sure, he was still fuming mad at Gon for the things he said and did because of pitou he still wanted so badly to show him around his home since they never had the chance back when…. when he was here last what did happen the last time Gon was here. Killua hisses touching his forehead when the migraine nearly splits his head in two. That’s right. after the ant war Killua fell ill headaches come on frequently whenever he tried to remember certain events and little details about Gon one night he could have sworn he forgot what Gon even looked like what he sounds like, it manifested in to what Illumi called a panic attack and he fainted. The fainting spells were the worse. It always felt like he was awake the whole time, floating in nothing but darkness never knowing how much time had pass or if any had at all. Those were worse then the nightmares. Worse then the unreal memories that tried to constantly push its way through his head. Killua sighs once again laying back and looking up into the room that he swore could have been Gon’s at least he had a part of him with him always.  
*  
“alright Gon, remember everything won’t be the way it was the last time you saw Killua” Kurapika says taking Gon’s shoes from him and shoving them into the hospital bag. Gon eagerly and impatiently pulled himself upon the table it took about 3 days to retrieve all the necessary equipment for Gon to be put under. In that time Gon had been quite unmanageable. He hollered at the man who brought the machines almost nearly breaking his jaw for taking so long with the shipment. He only ate when Leorio shouted at him he only slept when Kurapika did which was only for the most 3 hours at night and maybe an hour in the day. Gon never left Killua’s side, he slept in the uncomfortable chair beside him and snapped at anyone who dared interrupt unless it was Leorio and Kurapika.  
“he’s not going to remember anything that happened. just what the sandman wants him to remember, even how long it’s been. sandman can be anywhere, so you need to be very, very careful,” Gon nodded chin held high despite what he might face, what Killua he’d meet. If sandman wanted to take Killua back a year ago when they faced the ants, this could be harder then he thought. He took one last glance at Killua laying by his side now in a hospital gown and breathing mask some IV poking into his forearm leaving slight bruising due to how soft and iridescent Killua’s skin is. Taking one last look at the beautiful sleeping boy beside him Gon finally lays back the bright white lights above blinds him. Un able to see the frown that crosses Kurapika’s face his eyes shining over.  
“he’s ready Leorio.” Gon took another deep breath listening to Leorio’s shoes click across the tiles. Gon shuts his eyes so that he does not witness the huge needle being pushed through his skin burning just slightly. Kurapika hands Leorio a helmet covered with holes and electric nod.  
“alright once we hit the switch you’ll fall under the moment that any part of your body touches the landscape that will be the portal to bring Killua through, Oh! And don’t get hurt! Your body might not show any signs but if you…” Leorio couldn’t finish. he refused to even so much as have that though cross his mind. He looked lovingly at the boy who he cared for and watched over like a son his chest constricting eyes watering.  
“bring our Killua home.” Leorio squeaks leaving Gon’s side walking towards the lever. Kurapika bowed his head gnawing at his bottom lip. He could barely look at Gon.  
“it’s alright Pika, go with Leorio, he needs you.” Kurapika chokes wrapping his arms around Gon pulling the brightest boys head to his small chest. How did this little boy grow to become such a man?  
“I needed him more.” Kurapika sniffs. He pulls Gon back at arm’s length realizing what he just said. Gon’s eye widen It all made sense to now.  
“Kurapika…who pulled you out?”  
“Gon are you ready?” Kurapika flinched pulling himself away from Gon shaking his head silently begging him not to say another word about it. Gon bows his head agreeing with no words. Heart pounding Gon turned his head to face Killua.  
“I’m ready.” once Kurapika cleared the floor taking his place beside Leorio he pulls down the lever. Gon’s eyes immediately shut.>


	3. IxFoundxYou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh-huh! I think you're movin' in too close  
> But I think that it's my body wanting it the most, like  
> Uh-huh! I don't know what it is I feel  
> But I know it's my emotions going in for the kill, like  
> It's rare when a panic in my mind feel so damn good~ uhuh Julia michaels

Bright sunlight shines through Gon’s closed eyelids, soft wind falls past him as he descends. he refuses to open his eyes shutting them tighter instead. he falls towards the ocean arms out to his sides like broken wings. Upon impact salt water quickly shoots up his eyes nose and open mouth from a scream that never escaped. He chokes instantly as he sinks against his will downward towards the ocean floor. the moment his back tapped the dirt a translucent circle of light glows from under him. That's where he must bring Killua to return him to the real world, bring him home. Gon begins fighting with the ocean tide, kicking and swimming to the surface. He only had a moment to take in a deep gasping breath when an incredibly strong wave knocks him backward. After finding which way was up by the breaks of sunlight. Of course, he isn’t all that concerned since he knows he can hold his breath for a long time but the rush from that fall still has his heart pounding too quickly to think clearly. He barley reaches the surface when the next wave sends him slamming towards the cliff. he grabs a hold of one of the boulders that he so narrowly missed. Gon used to like the ocean, Admire it even. when he realized how much it reminded him of Killua's eyes it was too late, and they had went their separate ways at that silly world since then... he could never stair at the ocean from his bedroom window without thinking of Killua. Gons hands slip from the rock even in exhaustion he paddled stroked and kicked to the surface for air.   
You won’t take Killua from me. I let him go once out of selfishness... it'll never happen again.  
This time when Gon reached the surface the waves showed no mercy his body is thrown back into the mountain wall the back of his head makes a crack sound an aching pain blurring his vision even more so when the water around him begun to spin red with blood. Gon sank deeper and deeper eyes fluttering shut.  
*  
“Killua” Alluka screams pointing at the top of the cliff were their mansion stood   
“what is that falling from the sky!” Killua places his hands shading his squinting eyes from the unforgiving sunlight. He gasps the book flying off his lap when he jumps from the rock.  
"Gon!” although Killua stood along the shore line he could spot Gon from a mile away; he watched frighten with large horrified eyes as Gon's body disappears into the water.   
"Alluka go get help!" He shouts only Alluka stood still as if life had paused all at once. Killua however did not hesitate to run to the shore kicking up sand and salt water along with his boots. He dives into the glistening crystal water swimming as fast as he could. when he founds Gon sinking deeper into the ocean he instantly kicks forward wrapping his arms around him.  
what on earth was Gon thinking jumping from that cliff? Why didn’t he tell me he was coming! what an idiot!  
Killua promised himself that he would beat Gon the moment they reach shore. fear turned into a giant rock at the bottom of his sternum when the moment they reached the surface Gon’s eyes never open. swimming as fast as he can to shore the moment his feet touched down upon sand he lays Gon far enough so that the tide reaches only inches underneath his knees. Alluka had disappeared from the shoreline hopefully to get help why was she standing like time had frozen? Must have been the shock only Zoldykes never just shut down when it comes to situations like this. Thank the stars Killua didn't or Gon no matter how long he could hold his breath under water would have drown…that’s of course if he hadn’t already. Killua hovers over Gon shouting his name until finally he threw his fist down onto the middle of his chest.  
Instantaneously Gon coughs up water groaning once the sun and sand around his eyes began to burn. Killua's silver hair blinded him eyes swimming brighter than the ocean waves that crashed behind him. Gon groaned heart speeding up as he tried to lift his arms reaching like a child for the beautiful angel in front of him. his body protest his arm dragging across the sand in a snow angel movement.   
"Stop" Killua places his hand upon Gon’s wet chest. Gon groans again grabbing at Killua's wrist. In result the gushing bleeding crack at the back of his head began to throb like a heartbeat. He watched as Gon’s lips parted into a soft aching smile. Killua blinks lips parting in awe.  
"K..Killua…I found you" Killua now confused cocks his head to the side.  
“found me? But I’ve been here…where you left me.” From either speaking or hearing the words that Killua had said unconsciousness took over Gon like another wave he faints head rolling to the side. That’s when Killua finally sees the blood trailing from the back of Gons hair mixing with the sand and water beneath them. His breathing escalates as he let out a shout.  
“help! someone help!” with shaking hands he lifts Gon over his back like he’d done countless times before.  
“I’ve got you Gon. You’re safe now”  
*  
It had been the sounds of blue birds chirping that reached Gons sleeping thoughts first. Then the light; it was like he was back on whale island in his bedroom just getting over a fever…no it was exactly like it. then the realization of all that truly happens jolts him upright. He hisses immediately from the pain in his head.  
The sandman! He tried to drown me!   
Gon peered around the room, no. it is his bedroom back at whale island. Except of course the books that have been scattered across the floor, the huge elegant closet and a picture frame holding a picture too far for him to see the people in it.  
He began to peel the blankets of him smacking them back down face feeling hot when he realizes he’s completely naked. Who took his clothes off! an image of Killua over him on the beach flashes through his mind focusing on the way his hair appeared like a halo against the sunlight and his eyes brighter than the ocean boring into him scanning every inch of him. Gon can’t help but rub at his hot cheeks.  
Did…Killua take off my clothes?   
Why should he be embarrassed; he thought.  
Killua and I have been naked many times before when we needed baths and to wash clothes. I’ve seen him in boxers and he seen me, of course we were kids then…what could have possibly changed? maybe it’s because of what the sandman said…  
A steady knocking at the door sent Gon pressing his back up against the headboard, he knew that the sandman wouldn’t just knock when Gon is invading his world, he knew who it could be…at least he hoped. the door swayed open revealing a very confused Killua. Gon felt the sudden urge to jump out of bed and hug his best friend only there was the whole issue with being naked.   
“Killua!” Gon cheered smiling from ear to ear at the sight of him. From the tip of his silver hair to his perfectly defined face; he is completely unharmed and yet his lips twitch, eyes narrowing dangerously from an internal battle he’d been fighting since he left Gon in his bedroom. Gon noticed finally the tray of delicious food in his hands. Without a word and a slight rolling of the eyes he places the tray upon the desk beside the bed.  
“I’m so glad you’re ok.” Gon whispers this time. Killua however turns on him cat eyes sharp with anger. He just hates it when Gon does stupid reckless things!  
“what the hell where you thinking? When did you even get here? You know that cliff is dangerous to be diving off of! you should have told me first!” Gon blinked brain already muddled with confusion plus there was the concussion.  
“what?”   
That’s right Killua doesn’t remember and whatever Killua does remember could have been altered by the sandman.  
the image of the two in an embrace in front of the sandman sent Gon fidgeting remembering clearly what he had said and the way Killua looked at him. For a moment Gon is lost in his own thoughts Kilua wait impatiently watching at the way Gon bites at his thumbnail his hand finally falls away sliding across his chest from the realization.  
He’s right…I love Killua…I just never realized exactly how much.  
“Killua. What was the last thing that happened…be..between us?” Killua raised an eyebrow arms crossing at his chest looking away from Gon in hopes that the steam coming off his rosy cheeks would subside. Killua takes a little step back sputtering.  
between us? I…I don’t remember just how hard my heart was racing…how I wanted so badly to protect Gon…I was holding him, and he was looking up at me…I wanted to kiss him, no that was a dream! A dream I never should talk to him about!  
He turns his face away so that Gon won’t see the discoloration of his face when he says  
“you were being a giant brat and said some shitty things to me, then faced Pitou alone and left me to clean up your mess!” it’s just as Gon thought; the sandman wants to make this harder then what it already is; Killua was still mad at him, Killua and him had parted at the world tree and now in Killua’s mind he’s here…where is here anyway? It looks so much like whale island but there’s just a few things different with the landscape outside.  
“Killua, I’m sorry but believe me everything will all make sense when we get out of here.” Killua’s arms fall to his sides facing Gon once again.  
“what are you talking about?”   
Of course, Gon’s avoiding the problem! He is such a child!  
“this is going to sound crazy but you don’t remember-  
“no! you’re crazy! And reckless Gon you could have died!” Gon sucks his lips in his mouth heart dropping like weight Killua glares without meaning too he wasn’t just referring to Gon’s daredevil cliff diving. Gon began to shake his head wishing he could just stand, grab Killua by his arm and drag him towards that cliff.  
“Killua! There’s no time! “Gon finally shouts the pain in his head now becoming a lot more tolerable.  
“we have to leave this place! now! “  
“leave!? What happened? you got bored going on all those adventures with daddy! I’m not leaving my family again just because you- “  
“your family?!”  
Gon began kicking off the blankets, underwear or not. Killua yelps trying to hold Gon down ears burning scarlet. the two should not be anywhere near Killua’s family; especially not when the sandman is involved. There is another knock at the door Gon freezes finally to Killua’s relief. It was hard enough removing Gon’s wet clothes of course it’s not like he looked or anything it was just…mortifying in a way and he was glad that no one was around when his fingertips moved on their own grazing down Gon’s tan chiseled chest. Oh, how much he’s changed. The moment the door opened Gons eyes are blown open looking at Killua who never even glanced over his shoulder. Gon about ready to yell for Killua had been interrupted by Killua himself.  
“Illumi, are Gon’s clothes dry?” Gon watched as everything came to a screeching halt. Illumi bowed slightly outstretching his hands with Gon’s clothes Killua takes the clothes from Illumi’s hands as if it were perfectly fine that they were in the same room let alone the same island. Then it hit him. Killua’s family…This place, Killua is home. Jealousy immediately took hold of Gon; reaching for Killua’s arms not caring how his neatly folded socks fell from the pile in Killua’s hands. Illumi straightens looming tall in front of the only exit in the room. Killua’s guts began to flutter like hemotropic butterflies from the urgency of Gon’s eyes and how he practically pulled him into the bed with him despite his hands full of his clothes.  
“Killua we’re in danger.” It took Killua a few seconds to regain himself. Still bitter and angry at Gon for well…just about everything leading up to Gon nearly killing himself.  
“there you go again, talking crazy. No one is in danger- “he finally attempted to snatched his arms back only Gon held on tight.  
“otouto, if I may interrupt? Mother would like it if Gon joined us for dinner.” Killua grinded his teeth as he glared back at his brother with Gon desperately still hanging onto his arms.  
“no Killua!” Gon hissed.  
“we have to leave this place now!” this time Killua ripped his arms out of Gon’s grasp choosing words that caused Gon more pain then a measly crack to the skull.  
“you can leave if you so desperately want too! This is my home! If you don’t want to join us for dinner; the front door is right past the dining room.” Despite how hard Gon kept his jaw tight he still let out a muffling squeak, like a puppy being kicked, Killua turned away leaving Gon to clutch the front of his chest in hopes that his heart wouldn’t bleed through his tough skin. He shut his eyes fighting back tears so that he wouldn’t have to see Killua push his brother out of the room with him slamming the door shut behind him.  
*  
“otouto, aren’t you being a little too heartless to your friend.” Illumi drones as he finally catches up to Killua storming down the hall; away, far away from where Gon is.  
“I.” Killua stutters knowing full well that showing even anger is still an emotion and emotions are weak, his family taught him that. Killua finally froze confusion taken a hold. If his family taught him this, if he knew this then why is his family so…nice, charming. Loving.  
“he…he hurt me Illumi.”  
“how? Is this something you remember?” Killua finally turned to his brother. Of course, he remembered! He remembered everything Gon said to him! especially how much Killua cared about Gon and in the end Gon just didn’t care!.  
Gon is so selfish! it was just so easy for him to walk away…But for some reason I remember him calling me…must have been a dream.   
“Killua…. you’re thinking too much, you know what happens when you do that.”  
“I know I know” He can’t let Gon see that he’s sick or he would think him so unhappy here! He refused to show Gon how weak he really was and how much he missed him or even how sad it made him to be without him.   
If Gon stays…he would be choosing me…I want Gon to stay.  
For the next two hours, those words became a mantra for Killua it helped him keep his mind away from the cluster headache that made his reactions slow for the rest of the afternoon well into the evening. Each hour that past Killua thanked in silence that no one had come to inform him that Gon had ran away.  
“stay, please stay.”   
Killua helped his mother set the table in constant waiting. who knows Gon could have jump out that bedroom window he always lands on his feet anyway. he sighed out loud once again taking his usual seat gazing down at the usual fancy china and listening to the same conversation his mother and father would have that he never paid much attention too. Soon all his siblings have taken their seats chattering amongst each other waiting for the head of the table, his grandfather when a soft voice carried its way like a whisper to Killua’s ears.  
“Killua.” Killua came alive his heart flutter in a way that lead his face to grin stupidity turning in his seat so different then earlier Killua smiled eyes shimmering at the sight of Gon, his best friend; The brightest person in his life. Gon grinned sheepishly walking into the dining room and taking the seat beside Killua quietly he couldn’t help staring into Killua’s eyes all anger all remorse faded away into nothingness the moment he saw Gon standing there, staying behind for him. He couldn’t help but grip the sides of his seat watching as Gon shot nervous smiles at everyone. Killua he leaned forward so that only Gon would hear him when he spoke into his ear; only he leaned a little too close and their fingertips graze against one another beneath the table sending heat filled nervous jolts between the two and yet neither pulled away.  
“I’m uh…really glad you decided to stay.” Gon could not move, he could not pull away he couldn’t even control his pinky finger that lifted grazing across Killua’s  
“why…wouldn’t I, I’m not leaving here without you.” for reasons Gon couldn’t help glancing down at Killua’s lips, soft, pink slightly moist from when Killua licked them nervously, he wondered if Killua’s tongue taste like Choco robots. Gon continued rubbing his pinky finger against Killua’s hand the two leaning back in their seats looking forward to Killua’s siblings when Kalluto began pulling at Alluka’s hair the two fought playfully. Killua didn’t even want to argue for Gons choice of words instead with his free hand he pushes his hair away from his forehead ears burning red as he lifts his pinky finger wrapping it around Gon’s he wouldn’t dare to see Gon’s reaction, but he knew it would be just like his. Looking away at everyone else at the table trying to not make it obvious on what was going on just under it.   
Whatever adventure Gon wants to go on…I think I want to go. Sure, everyone was…sad when I left for the Hunters exam even more so when I didn’t return after that, maybe this time they’ll be alright with me leaving.   
“alright everyone! Grandpa will be here shortly so everyone quiet down.” Gon places his free elbow upon the table laying his chin upon it not even trying to hide his smile. Killua chuckles lifting now his ring finger…soon they’ll be holding hands…  
We can both eat with one hand, can’t we because I don’t want to let him go.  
I’m never letting Killua go again.  
Finally, grandpa enters the room only it isn’t just him. Another woman dressed in nothing, but the finest robes follow and a young girl around their age. Killua watched with unfamiliarity as the girl with blackish green hair ember eyes and a long slim fitted green dress smiles sweetly at him…how could he forget.  
“Gaiya.” He whispers Gon looks over at Killua disappointment crossing his face the moment Killua pulled his hand away standing so suddenly he nearly knocked the plates and cups over. Gaiya continues to smile so gently at Gon it was almost surreal looking at her then it hit him so suddenly he almost felt sick to his stomach  
The sandman…he’s doing this to Killua.  
“Gon this is Gaiya; Killua’s fiancé.” Gon watched with slack jaw at Killua who looked as if he had forgotten entirely that he was to be married.  
“tell us you’ll be staying for the wedding, Killua I’m sure Gon would love to be your best man.” Alluka cheered. Killua still in shock could not respond instead he looked down at Gon falling utterly surprised when Gon could not meet his gaze. Gon kept his Ember eyes in his lap glistening so brightly Killua could have sworn he would start to cry at any moment.  
But why…Gon should be happy for me. Sure, I can’t go on adventures with him like I wanted, but this is what happens when two friends grow up and go separate ways…I’ve loved Gaiya…I always have.  
“I uhh.” Gon shut his eyes shaking his head then smiling the best way he could, Killua could see right through it and it bothered him.   
What is going on with him!  
“course, uh...can I… excuse me.” Gon jumped from his seat nearly toppling it over as he charged out of the room. he looked all around his breathing hard and fast he felt his heart could burst at any moment. finally, He found a small bathroom just a few steps down the hall and quickly shut the door behind him throwing his hands over his eyes and mouth to stifle his angry growl.   
How can Killua be getting married! when did Killua fall in love! Hold it!... none of this is real!  
Gon remembers finally trying to catch his breath, feeling incredibly stupid for feeling so jealous in the first place.   
Gaiya isn’t real she’s just someone the sandman made up!  
Gon looked himself over in the mirror. His reaction, the way his heart pounded in his chest. the sandman had said something about love when he held Killua close in hopes to protect him. Gon hands slide down his face.  
Could it be? am I?... in love with Killua? …  
Gon flinches from the sound of someone tapping silently upon the door. He takes a deep breath composing himself. Hell have to return to the table before someone notices especially the sandman. maybe he can just trick Killua into some cliff diving; this way they’ll make it back to Leorio and Kurapika before Killua can be married…maybe then he’ll try to figure out what it is and why he feels this way towards Killua. Gon pulls the door open only to be shoved back in; his lower back hitting the sink Killua puts himself between the door and him their bodies pressing together in such a way Gon could no longer keep his breathing even.  
“alright! what has gotten into you!” Killua hisses.  
Too close! Killua’s too close!  
“that was completely disrespectful towards Gaiya” that’s enough. like a tea kettle over boiling Gon steamed.  
“Gaiya?!” he hisses back pointing over Killua’s shoulder.  
“did you even remember her before she walked into the room! Do you ever remember your family ever being like this towards you Killua! I was your only family you told me that once! It’s just me Kurapika and Leorio! We’re you’re- “Gon stops yelling goosebumps rising up his now faltering arm watching how Killua’s face scrunches up in pain his slender fingers rub at the front of his forehead right between the eyes.  
“what’s wrong Killua?”  
Gon watches Killua; scanning every inch of his face.  
He’s so beautiful.  
“Killua?” Gon said lower than a whisper Killua glowers up at him; eyes still squinting with pain. that’s when Gon had enough of thinking, enough of wondering. He dove in taking Killua’s lips with his and pressing him up against the door. Killua gasps giving Gon full access to his mouth. It was everything he thought Killua would taste like and more, hungrily he alternates from sucking at his bottom lip to sliding his tongue over his; he Wrapped his hands around Killua’s neck holding him there but Killua’s head is spinning uncontrollably overwhelmed with the way Gon breaths into his mouth sucking the air right from him lips soft moist lips dancing with his he places his hands down upon Gons shoulders digging his nails down deep so that his knees don’t give out right then and there finally his eyes shut sighing as if it were something he’d been waiting for a long, long time. Through Killua’s ringing ears he could hear the laughter in the other room, heard Gaiya.   
What is he? What am I doing!  
Killua shoves Gon with all his might chest heaving along with Gon’s. it caused the mirror to fog just enough so that Killua could not see his reflection he was thankful for that. He stared back unbelievably at his best friend the pain in his head returning with full force.  
Gon is now shaking all over, that not only had been his first kiss but it was with his best friend why didn’t he think about how it could ruin their friendship no matter what world they were in.  
“Killua?” Gon croaks completely out of breath but it was too late. Killua throws open the bathroom door and runs. Gon watches it shut close with brimming tears a cry just inches from tearing into him he’s left alone and rejected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for reading!!


	4. If x You x Ever x Come x Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by If you ever come back- the script. there's this beautiful AMV of leopika here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DpPPX9idpI i do not own!  
> Walking this - Kye Kye https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUQF-Gfly1c  
> I wish i was -eyes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmHAuJl2vaU
> 
> Thank you so much for ready and im sorry about the slow updates. also i do apologize if there are alot of gramatical errors i do not have a beta but im doing my best. please feel free to leave any comments!

Leorio waits, watching Kurapika’s eyes through the reflection off the glass wall. It’s been two days since Gon was put under and although Kurapika bathed and shaved his stumble his eyes were still rimmed, swollen and every so often like this moment right now his eyes would shine scarlet he would quickly walk away or hide in the bathroom so Leorio wouldn’t see, but Leorio does see…every time.  
“Kurapika did you hear me?” When Kurapika speaks, his voice are like daggers through Leorio’s heart…he is still aching whatever happened when he was under really affected him and yet he made it out. How?  
“no Leorio, I didn’t what is it.” Leorio growls with aggravation crossing his arms waiting for the last dimming red light in Kurapika’s eyes to fade so that he may finally face him. When Kurapika does he wishes he hadn’t; Kurapika has spent his time since Gon left avoiding him; facing Leorio only reminded him of the painful memory of being put under.  
“there was a blank in Killua’s screen. can you walk me through what happened when you were under so I can understand why it keeps happening?” Kurapika gritted his teeth clenching and unclenching his fist at his sides.   
“no.” with that he made his way past Leorio towards the door, Leorio snatches at the frail blonde’s arm finally realizing how thinned out he’s gotten since the last time he held his arm a month ago. Shocked Kurapika glared at him he didn’t bother to pull his arm out of the taller man’s grasp he knew he had no strength and he would lose.  
“you’re a lot more angsty than usual.” Leorio teased grinning when Kurapika scoffed using his other hand to try and push off Leorio’s but Leorio did not release him.  
“would you just talk to me! This could help Gon and Killua they need you-” Leorio shook Kurapika harder then he meant to the words striking a cord inside Kurapika that Leorio had no idea even existed. Leorio’s jaw parts slightly stuttering when Kurapika’s eyes began to water with fresh tears glowing that beautiful ruby red his shoulders beginning to tremble.  
“what about me! What about what I needed! No one came for me Leorio! I floated in darkness for what felt like years and no one came for me!” Kurapika shouted yanking his arm free only to stumble into the door he brought his shaking hands hiding his eyes.  
“the blank screen means their floating too…its dark, so dark” Kurapika spoke so low so broken it brought tears into Leorio’s eyes.  
“…pika” Leorio called blinking rapidly, he should have known… should have went looking for him like he had threatened to so many times before when Kurapika wouldn’t answer his calls.; but because of what happened that night…he simply thought that he scared Kurapika away.  
“I would have…I would have come for you- sit.” He could barely stand to watch Kurapika shake anymore he pulled out his chair afraid to reach for Kurapika he waited for him to sink into the chair leaning upon the desk beside him. Kurapika sniffed still shielding his eyes as he did so. Leorio wished he hadn’t…because he’s never seen eyes more beautiful than Kurapika’s  
Pull yourself together Leorio its Kurapika! not some dame…but I don’t think I care about that.  
Kurapika took a deep shaky breath still avoiding Leorio’s gaze his weak arms fell into his lap shoulders slump  
“at first…I couldn’t tell; I fell for it. Played in the village I grew up in like I had when I was a child; Woke up every morning to the warm greetings of my clan. Then you came. And you…were different towards me, you were in love with me.” Leorio tried his hardest not to react to what Kurapika just said finally relieved that Kurapika wouldn’t look at him, Leorio’s wide eyes observed the way Kurapika’s cheeks flushed.  
Is... Kurapika in love with me!  
“well…it was too good to believe in…then I wanted revenge. I felt it as if it were a common cold and yet I had no idea why. Then I just…saw the world for what it truly was…a dream, then the dream turned off and there was nothing but darkness forever and ever and ever” Kurapika continued lost in his own mind once again.  
“and ever and ever and ever” Leorio grabbed at Kurapika’s shoulders forcing him now to meet his gaze, calming him instantly with just that look. Kurapika lowered his gaze focusing on the way Leorio’s chest heaved up and down…how inviting it looked.  
“pika…I would have gone in there to save you if I only knew…and I’m so damn sorry I didn’t know…” Kurapika sniffed his lips parting into some small heartbreaking smile his face hot to the touch when he murmured.  
“not like Gon…” Leorio knew immediately what he meant…he knew how Gon and Killua felt for each other for a long time even when they didn’t know for themselves. That’s what Kurapika meant…that he knew Leorio didn’t feel for Kurapika the way those two felt for each other. And yet Leorio didn’t turn away Leorio didn’t quickly say “well of course not like that.” Because he couldn’t, he didn’t know why and he didn’t want to say that he didn’t feel something or that he did for Kurapika…but what he did know was that he loved Kurapika, not knowing what kind of love it is Leorio decided within himself that maybe just maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to figure out what kind of love that is with Kurapika…  
Leorio placed his hands gently upon Kurapika’s face his eyes widening like they had that night. Kurapika’s scarlet eyes didn’t scare Leorio like he thought they would like the first time Leorio saw this happen at the hunter exam, his jaw had fallen eyes wide a sharp breath escaping his eyes.  
The stories were true…the Kurtas eyes are the greatest treasure and that would Kurapika some great treasure to him. Leorio’s fingers grazed upon his cheek causing Kurapika to shudder just lightly. Leorio bore the same gaze he had that night when he was about to kiss Kurapika. This time Leorio did something that meant more to Kurapika then he thought more than any gesture Leorio could have done. He brought his head down to Kurapika keeping his eyes open when he pressed his lips against the top of his forehead inhaling the scent of freshly washed hair. Leorio kept his lips pressed there, Kurapika kept his grip tight on the arms of the chair. The kiss lasted not one or two but five very, very long seconds. Leorio pulled back finally eyes gentle and warm Kurapika feels warm all over, giddy even a growing bubbling feeling of laughter grew up his stomach to his chest until he finally let it out. Leorio wiped away the tears that fell from that laughter he reached for Kurapika pulling him up off the chair and into his embrace. Kurapika sighs…this is real and better than any dream.  
*  
Killua continued poking at the trunk of the tree with his claw nail; his mind floating off not listening to a word that Gaiya was saying. Gaiya spread out across the picnic blanket turning the pages of their wedding brochure. before he used to stare at her when she wasn’t looking; he used to admire how those ember eyes reflected off the sun and how she always wore green reminding him of ever green rolling hills of freedom and now since Gon had arrived when he would look at her all he would see how it wasn’t Gaiya’s eyes but Gon’s that he admired so much, it was Gon’s golden skin that reflected off the bright sun like some sort of nature God. How come he never realized how similar they are. how unlike him, cold and pale; dark like the moon and undeserving of the sun. Killua placed his finger now at its natural length to his lips for what could have been the hundredth time since last night. (or the night before he isn’t sure since the minute he made it into the dining hall he collapsed right there by the table not sure how long it had even been since he were asleep…how embarrassing. Sure, Gon kissing him completely and utterly startled him to no end but he didn’t hate it. Hell he loved it, enjoyed it even if it were just a few seconds and Gon seemed to be incredibly inexperienced, or was it him? He’s kissed Gaiya before...hadn’t he?  
“Killua? Are you listening? Where would you like to go for our honeymoon?” Killua blinked he couldn’t think of anything besides Gon, besides traveling the world with Gon…kissing Gon.  
” ever been to whale island?”   
“of course! Don’t you remember I showed you around that whole island!” Killua for the first time since the breakfast table looked at her eyebrows drawn together in confusion.  
Since when does Gaiya lie? I’ve never been to whale island with her…first time was with Gon. I can’t forget that. I smelled like him for weeks.  
Killua shrugged it off; he had too; he was in no condition to fight with her or the memories.  
*  
Closest friend, I'm lost in love  
To know what you've done and why it's solved  
This perfect love, I'm dressed in grace  
To hear your voice in truth displayed

Elude myself my heart aligned  
Weightless steps, wind through the chimes  
Know who I am, through you I find  
Peace of mind

I'm a river that's meant for flowing  
I'm a moon that's meant for lighting the night  
I'm the wind that's loud and soaring  
I'm a tree that's tall and growing  
I'm a fire that lights whatever's in sight  
I'm the rain that's fast and pouring

Tamed tongue, you're the words in my head  
You're a soft drum I hear, I can't wait  
I'm nourished by the steps that I take  
I find it in the way that you gave, you gave

I'm a river that's meant for flowing  
I'm a moon that's meant for lighting the night  
I'm the wind that's loud and soaring  
I'm a tree that's tall and growing  
I'm a fire that lights whatever's in sight  
I'm the rain that's fast and pouring  
I'm the rain that's fast and pouring

At some point Gon slept. It didn’t feel like it, but he knew it when the ceiling he sulked at for god knows how many hours spun out into nothing but darkness. he hadn’t joined the Zoldykes for breakfast and now past lunch time he found a tree out in the garden with his arms around himself, his insides cold and broken. Gon shut his eyes tight hoping that he wouldn’t see Killua’s; wide and terrified from that kiss, it was no use every time Gon shut his eyes he saw Killua, tasted Killua…wanted Killua. Feeling hot all over Gon threw another twig out of the tree. Maybe a cold swim would settle him down and clear his mind then maybe he can get back to trying to get Killua to cliff dive, this way he didn’t have to explain about the life that Killua had been living is a lie, the happy life that Killua is living.  
Is Killua really happy here?  
“any harder you would have hit me.” Gon jolts peering down to the ground stood Killua hands in his pockets grinning up at him. It takes Gon a movement to find his voice.  
“K..killua I uh.”  
“I’m coming up.” Killua says instead already griping the tree. Gon watched with fascination at the way Killua’s shoulder blades moved with ease remembering when they had trained with Bisky how amazing he looked. Gon shook his head feeling now much more nervous afraid that Killua might just be climbing up just to push him off for kissing him.  
Killua huffed nearly taking a seat on Gon so he wouldn’t fall out of the tree. Together they sit in silence. Legs pressed firmly against one another Gon kept it as still as possible his leg feeling much heavier then he has ever felt it. When he thought his leg would give out Killua finally spoke.  
“I know what you’re doing.” Gon blinks up at Killua who avoids his gaze closing his eyes and looking in the opposite direction pushing his silver hair away from his sticking forehead.   
“you’re still beating yourself up about what happened. You shouldn’t. I told you we’ll always be friends, so you have to stop feeling sorry.” Gon could feel the frown in his forehead and rubbed at it. he didn’t think that this conversation would go this way.  
“Killua…back then I didn’t see…” Killua’s piercing blue eyes shuts Gon up instantly. Instead he decides to choose his words differently.  
“I’m not here for you to feel sorry for me or to make it up to you or whatever…. I’m here for you.” Gon reaches hesitantly for Killua’s hand. Killua straightens static running through him. He waits for Gon to yank his hand back, only he doesn’t instead he tightens his hand around it feeling the slight tingles of static crawl up his arm and shiver down his spine. Killua’s eyes dance between Gon’s amber orbs here was no controlling the white translucent waves that dance between them rolling off Killua’s body and up Gon’s arms. It doesn’t hurt but Gon’s chest still contracts when Killua whispers-  
“so…last night when you…” Killua trails off his eyes falling down to Gon’s lips.  
“Killua…I...I think that I’m.” Killua snatches his hand away already standing on the small enough branch that the two sat upon. His back pressed against the trunk of the tree like a cat cornered the only way away from Gon would be to climb back down only with his heart racing so fast all he could do was tremble.  
“don’t! don’t say you’re in l-  
“well why not! We’ve been friends for this long what’s so wrong with it!”  
“I’m getting married!” Killua shouts back scaring a few of the birds out of the tree. Gon scoffs crossing his arms and looking away.  
“you can’t tell me you don’t feel anything for me! I saw your face when the sandman- “Gon jolts when lightning strikes the tree beside them. He looks up at Killua astonished only to withdraw his glare when Killua showed signs of pain. Of course, Killua was always good at hiding his pain but Gon knew him and knew that when his eyebrows twitched, and his one eye shut slightly something was wrong.  
“the…the what?” it was now the sky that rumbles with lightening Gon looks up curiously he doesn’t see Killua wobble slightly eyes rolling back Killua falls out of the tree Gon shouts reaching for him but also falls out of the tree landing on his back beside Killua. The two-breath hard, deep staring up at the blue sky now turning darker and darker. Gon feels Killua’s hand slide into his beside him.  
“Gon…” he groans. Gon feeling weak all over knows that this had something to do with the sandman, he’s doing all he can to prevent Killua from remembering anything. Killua turns his head towards him. Gon tries to move but he can’t the sky and Killua’s eyes are just so mesmerizing. Killua rolls over hovering over Gon.  
“are...you alright?” Gon lifts his hand pushing away the strands off silver hair that fall over his face like starlight.  
“Killua...it’s the. -  
“shh.” Killua lowers his face to Gon his breath fanning his face.  
“don’t give up on me.” Killua whispers. for a moment Killua remembers everything. in that moment Gon can see the same look as before the love in his eyes. His fingers curl around Gon’s cheek lowering himself so that his lips fall gently upon Gon’s this time the kiss is slow so painfully slow that it brings tears to Gon’s eyes. He refuses to close them no matter how heavy they become due to the swirling night sky. He keeps his eyes open glued to the way Killua’s eyes are half closed looking back down at him. His lips moving gently over his. Gon lifts his hand finding their way through Killua’s hair. Killua groans its become harder and harder for him to stay here stay where he knows the truth where he knows and feels the love he has for the boy beneath him the sandman is stronger and in seconds Gon is unconscious. Killua faints beside him.  
*  
When Leorio enters the office its Kurapika’s shouting that nearly makes him drop the two piping hot coffee’s in the drink carrier. It’s the sounds of things being thrown that has him Quickly putting down the coffee running into the back room where the computer monitors have been moved.   
“Kurapika what’s wrong!” he’s running towards the blond grabbing at his fraying arms as he were ready to smash them down onto the computers. Leorio is finally able to pull the crumbling Kurta in his arms kneeling on the ground with him he can already feel his insides breaking at the sounds of Kurapika’s cries.  
“they’re floating!” he’s screaming.  
“they’re floating! They’re floating! Who knows when they’ll wake up Gon! Killua!” Leorio pulls Kurapika’s face into his chest hushing him.   
“its ok its alright they’re going to be ok! pika calm down!” Kurapika shakes his head his blond hair flying everywhere.  
“I can’t take this! If…if Killua doesn’t come neither will Gon don’t you get that!” Kurapika then pushes himself off Leorio who falls on his bottom defeated.  
“I can’t keep watching this happen to them!” Leorio pushes forward hand out pleadingly but it was too late Kurapika’s ruby eyes bounced off everything in the room.  
“I can’t stay here anymore!” Leorio knew it was a matter of time before this happened. He just never thought that it would hurt this much. He didn’t think that he would flinch when Kurapika slammed the door shut behind him leaving him alone with the sound of Gon and Killua’s beeping heart monitor growing louder and louder until he too broke down in tears.  
It had been hours later when the computer showed any brain activity for Gon and Killua. Leorio watched with puffy eyes until sleep took ahold of him laying his head upon the desk he still refused to release the phone from his grip. He didn’t call Kurapika afraid that when he didn’t answer (for he knew he wouldn’t.) it would hurt him so much more.   
Kurapika quietly pushed the door to Leorio’s office open at 3am. When he spots the doctor with his head down upon the desk his lip trembles. He wished he were strong, strong enough to stay by Leorio’s side, but he couldn’t take it. losing Killua and Gon would destroy him and Leorio both. Slowly he laid his hand over Leorio’s shoulder. The sleeping man flinches as does Kurapika. when Leorio raises his head to look over his shoulder he instantly throws his arms around Kurapika’s waist. Kurapika takes in a sharp breath finally laying his hand on top of his head shutting his eyes tight to concentrate on not trembling in Leorio’s grip.  
“pika please don’t leave me again.” Leorio says groggily. He looks up at the blond-haired boy who’s bottom lip continues to tremble.  
“I’m sorry I just…” when his voice breaks he gives up on talking, gives up on looking down at Leorio’s eyes his glasses showing reflection of himself red puffy eyes and uncombed hair.  
“look,” Leorio pulls back only to pull Kurapika in his lap to face the computers  
“look they’re ok. they’re ok.” Kurapika’s back stiffens wanting so much to melt in Leorio’s embrace he allows him to lay his chin upon his shoulder pointing at one of the screens.   
“for a moment Killua was aware of everything. that’s probably why he started floating, of course his world becomes unbalanced and that’s probably why Gon went out as well… maybe being aware is what brings it on. Maybe its what the sandman does to try and restart things. That’s probably what happened to you.” Kurapika felt himself smiling at the soft tone of Leorio’s voice he sunk into the doctor’s chest. Leorio kept his eyes now upon the side of Kurapika’s face he looks so tired, so wired and exhausted. They both needed sleep, or they would be useless if the time came to help their boys. Kurapika’s ruby red eyes blinked rapidly when Leorio began caressing the blonde’s cheek. Gazing into the side of the kurtas face like he was the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. Kurapika slowly turned to look over his shoulder at him. sound became irrelevant the constant beeping the computers humming nothing matter but the way Kurapika looked back at Leorio. Shifting slightly, he pushes the blond down between his knees leaning back so that Kurapika could turn more. Leorio uses his hand to bring the kurtas face towards him meeting his lips gently. At first Leorio stares wide eyed at the way Kurapika shuts his eyes tight he sees his eyes lashes holding tears like morning dew before he began to move his lips against his slow at first almost afraid that Kurapika would throat punch him, but he doesn’t instead Kurapika sighs opening his mouth for Leorio. It’s so hard for Kurapika to breath for either of the two so when Leorio bites down on Kurapika’s bottom lip eagerly. Kurapika spins around never once leaving his lips so that he can straddle over the taller male. it continued like this harder, faster Leorio growling when their groans rub against each other. Kurapika rips off the doctor’s jacket searching desperately for skin. When he finds the croak of Leorio’s neck he bites down making Leorio roll his hips up into Kurapika who lets out another throat filled moan. Holding the back of the blonde’s head down onto his lips Leorio found the hem of Kurapika’s grey sweat pants. Kurapika; a panting mess nearly shouts when Leorio wraps his hand around his shaft slowly jerking him until Kurapika couldn’t take it anymore throwing his head back he moans out loud digging his nails into the back of Leorio’s neck. Leorio squeezes the smaller mans waist chest heaving he knows soon he’ll lose all control of himself maybe he should slow down but the way Kurapika is moaning, how his red eyes are half lidded, lips moist cheeks flushed and the way he’s rolling his hips over his makes it incredibly hard to stop.  
“wait! Wait!” Kurapika cups Leorio’s face.  
“Leorio I…I have to tell you something but I…I can’t. I’m” Leorio does stop he grabs at Kurapika’s face urgently forcing him to look him in the eye.  
“say it…say it pika I need to hear you say it.” Kurapika swallows his unsteady breath. shaking his head. Leorio goes back to stroking him earning a squeal.  
“fine then I’ll say it- “  
“I love you!” Kurapika shouts.  
“Leorio I love- “he cannot finish Leorio’s lips have captured his lifting him off the chair and over to the futon bed.  
*  
Leorio opens his eyes with a grin. That 30-minute nap was everything and all that transpired before that, the way their breaths became one. The way Kurapika rode him slow passionate and all the beautiful faces he made that even now causes his heart to constrict. He looks over at the naked Kurta beside him, exhausted his chest slowly rises and falls. He’s finally asleep and this time it looks like he’ll be asleep for a while. Leorio didn’t plan on this but once Kurapika came moaning Leorio’s name as if it were some life line he knew he couldn’t stop until Kurapika passed out from exhaustion. he just didn’t think he would too. Leorio sighs loving how his blond hair like gold is sprawled out all over the pillow he lowered his face to his forehead kissing him softly.   
“Kurapika…I love you. Ill be right here when you wake up.” Kurapika groans he hears him but oh how tired and sore was he that all he could do to respond was smile. When he does wake up its from a nightmare his chains smash into the wall and he scream out. Leorio just steps away in his chair runs over. Scoops him up in his arms and holds him into his eyes fade to grey. Until he melts in his arms…until he smiles once again.


	5. Writers block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE NOT ABANDON THIS STORY. its just taking me longer to edit and tweak things the way i want them. I'm hitting a writers block and it'sreally annoying. but i promise this story will be completed. wish i had a beta.

I HAVE NOT ABANDON THIS STORY. its just taking me longer to edit and tweak things the way i want them. I'm hitting a writers block and it'sreally annoying. but i promise this story will be completed. wish i had a beta.   
i made a playlist on spotify with some songs that inspired me to write killugon and leopika the playlist is called. Where x I' d x Find x You Xhttps://open.spotify.com/user/2257cn7jobgzoe3ogav5eddmq/playlist/50nPWHiAKkcLaRDfKU4ujf?si=vb8WBWInRsy4VJzHJarqMQ

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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